ANNOUNCERCongratulations ,You've finally become the Undisputed Heavyweight Champion!Tell us, how does it feel?
You know, no two ways about it.  All those hours of pumpingiron really paid off.
I mean, seriously, look at me, my arms are so thick, Ican't even scratch my own back!
But, I mean, that's what tree bark's for, right?
ANNOUNCERErrr...sure, why not.So, what does the future hold for you now that you'veconquered the boxing world?
Well, to be honest, the belt's nice, but the cash iswhat really interests me.
ANNOUNCEROf course!  Cars, mansions, jets, it's a great lifestyle.
Sure, that stuff's nice.  But what I'm really interestedin is a really big backscratcher!
I can't describe in words how bad my back itches...
 
 
 
 
 
 
ANNOUNCERCongratulations ,You've finally become the Undisputed Heavyweight Champion!
Well, it's no real surprise to me.  You know what I'msaying?
ANNOUNCERHonestly, no, I can't say I do.
I look out at the boxing world right now, and seenothing but B-class fighters.
ANNOUNCERReally?  I watched some tapes of your previous fights,and it looked like you took some hard punches.
Hard punches?  Maybe for a normal man, but for achamp like me, they were little more thanmosquito stings.
ANNOUNCERSounds like you have a chin of iron!
That goes a long way.  But it also has a lot todo with my training regimen.
I spend two hours every day punching my own face.I've gotten to the point where my face's painsensors barely register a truck collision.
Trust me, I know.  I've tried it.
On top of that, I psycho train consantly, eat right,...oh, and pain killers.  I take a lot of pain killers.
Numer one, baby!  Number one!
 
 
 
ANNOUNCERCongratulations ,You've finally become the Undisputed Heavyweight Champion!Tell us, how does it feel?
It feels like I finally got what I had coming tome.  My ship has arrived!
ANNOUNCERYes, I heard the prize money was high forthis fight.
Prize money?  That was a handout.  I'm thinkingof going global with this thing!
ANNOUNCEREh...I'm not sure I follow.
My name's a brand now.  Why should I limit myselfto boxing?  I'm thinking toasters, grills, washingmachines, the works!
ANNOUNCERI suppose it could work.  But, it soundslike a big undertaking.
Oh, it is.  That's why my team's already beenworking on some of the basic concepts.
And for my part, I've been studying mandarin.Did you know mandarin is going to become the secondbiggest language in the world?
ANNOUNCERYes, I heard something about that.
Koh-ni-chi-wah sucka.And Ah-re-gate-o to all my homies!
 
 
 
 
ANNOUNCERCongratulations ,You've finally become the Undisputed Heavyweight Champion!
I wanna take this opportunity to give my side ofthe story on all the allegations that have beenflying around about me.
First and foremost, that wasn't my truck theyfound.  It looks kinda like mine, but it ain't.
ANNOUNCERWell, I'm sure the truth will come out andyour name will be cleared of all charges.
They'd better.  I'm paying the judge good money,he'd better pull through.
ANNOUNCERWell, any plans for the immediate future, nowthat you're the World Champ?
Absolutely.  I'm going to use my new massivepopularity and sway over the common man to makea move into the political ring.
You're thinking of making a move to politics?
I've got it all figured out.  The problem withthe government is that stuff keeps getting stuckin deadlocks.
Under my administration, that would be a thing ofthe past.  See, whenever there's a disagreement,we get the two opposing sides to fight.
The last man standing gets to have his way on theissue.  It makes sense, and, hey, it works fororangutans.
 
 
 
 
ANNOUNCERCongratulations ,You've finally become the Undisputed Heavyweight Champion!Tell us, how does it feel?
It feels groovy, man!  Real groovy!  I candig it, my man!  Waaooh!
ANNOUNCERSo, any plans for the immediate future?
Definitely.  I'm thinking of starting myown band.  Yeeeeaowh!
ANNOUNCERWow!  That sounds impressive.  So, are you going to be the lead singer?
Well, I won't deny it, that was my originalplan.  Wooop!  Unfortunately, my singing sounds notunlike a dying alley cat.
ANNOUNCEROuch!  I can see how that would bea problem.
So, right now, we're thinking I'm going tobe the lead drummer.
And I'm okay with that, you know.  I mean,I've spent most of my life beating the crap out ofstuff, why not a drum?
ANNOUNCERWell, it certainly sounds like we'll beseing a lot more of you in the future.
Absolutely.  And finally, let me take thisopportunity to be serious for a moment and say...
Yeeeep!  Yeeeep!  Yeeeaowh!
 
 
 
ANNOUNCERCongratulations ,You've finally become the Undisputed Heavyweight Champion!Tell us, how does it feel?
I feel neither pride nor joy.  It is as itwas meant to be.
ANNOUNCERYou certainly sound very calm, consideringthe amazing feat you've achieved.
Amazing?  Well, perhaps it appears that way.But the result was quite obvious to anystudent of box-jitsu.
ANNOUNCERBox-jitsu?  I have to admit, I'm notentirely sure what that is.
Then I will explain.  Box-jitsu is theultimate merging of boxing and the ancientasian martial arts.
ANNOUNCERIt certainly sounds powerful.
It is the ultimate martial art.
ANNOUNCERYes, I think I heard you were openinga gym somewhere in the city?
That's right.  I'll be opening a box-jitsuexclusive dojo right here.
ANNOUNCERI'm not sure I have the directions.
It's on the corner of Fifth and Central, rightnext to the pizza joint.
Only those whose wills are strong enough toresist the temptating smell of oven freshpizza are worthy of box-jitsu.  Wadooo!
 
 
ANNOUNCERCongratulations ,You've finally become the Undisputed Heavyweight Champion!Tell us, how does it feel?
To be honest, it feels like a huge weight hasbeen lifted off my shoulders.
ANNOUNCERReally?  It doesn't sound like you enjoybeing the ultimate champ?
Oh no, don't get me wrong.  Being the champis great.  I'm just relieved I don't have todo it over again.
I don't know what it is with this current cropof boxers, but I got hit below the belt somany times, I can't even count them.
ANNOUNCERYes, I heard something about you filing anofficial complaint.
That's right, I did.  I'm still waiting forthe results on that.  Let's see if they don'tgo for a legal low-blow as well!
A few months ago, I had this big scare, wheremy doctor was telling me I couldn't have kidsany more.
Luckily, it turned out to be a false alarm.
ANNOUNCERSo, I assume you'll use your new leverage tochange the regulations on low blows?
Absoultely.  From now on, anyone who goes fora lowblow, has to take three in return!
That'll remedy the situation real quick!
 
 
 
ANNOUNCERCongratulations ,You've finally become the Undisputed Heavyweight Champion!Tell us, how does it feel?
It feels like I'm on top of the world!  But,at the same time, it's a hollow victory.
ANNOUNCERWhat makes you say that?
Well, I mean, let's face it.  The currentboxers out there, they're all geezers.Yesterday's champions.
Me, I'm the future of boxing.  Fast, agile,and I hit like a brick wall.  I'm the completepackage.
ANNOUNCERSo you never felt like you were challenged?
Are you kidding?  Half the time, I felt I washitting my grandfather!
The only reason some of those fights didn'tgo so well was because I was really holdingback.
I was sure if I went all out, I'd getarrested for physical abuse of an elderly person!
ANNOUNCERSo what changes would you like to see inthe boxing scene?
I say we get the old timers out of thering.  The closest they'll ever get to a beltis carrying mine for me!
 
 
 
 
ANNOUNCERCongratulations ,You've finally become the Undisputed Heavyweight Champion!
This victory goes way back to when I firstwent into boxing to prove the validity of myfight equation.
ANNOUNCERYour fight equation?
That's right.  You see, all problems can bebroken down to basic mathematical problems.
So, I figured if I could solve the equationfor being a great fighter, I could become aworld champion!
ANNOUNCERI assume you figured the equation out, andthat's led you to where you are now.
That's exactly what happened.  It wasmathematically impossible for me to lose!
ANNOUNCERThat equation sound amazing?  Any chancewe'll ever get to see it?
I'm publishing a book next month that'llgo into detail about the equation.
It's quite simply, really.  A few crossproducts, take the outcome through Carmack'sReverse.  That kind of thing.
ANNOUNCERSounds snazzy.  And what about you?Any immediate plans?
I'm going to take my winnings and fund myresearch on creating the perfect eggroll!
 
 
 
ANNOUNCERCongratulations ,You've finally become the Undisputed Heavyweight Champion of the World!
I always knew I had it in me!
My life's been like a big easter egg hunt,but with belts instead of eggs, and facesinstead of grass.
ANNOUNCERHow'd you do it?
Well, I can't really attribute it to any onething.  I've got an excellent staff behind me.
My life motto was also a big help.Steady and even always wins in the end.Minty fresh breath certainly helped.
ANNOUNCERIf you had to pick one defining aspect thathelped you become the champ, what would it be?
Hmmm, I'd have to say my previous job as asecret service agent.
I beat a lot of people's faces in back then.It proved to be invaluable experience forthe ring.
ANNOUNCERAny immediate plans for the future?
Well, the feeling of peoples's skulls crushingunder your fists gets pretty old after a while.
I'm thinking of going into racing.
ANNOUNCERWow!  Stock cars or F-1?
Neither.  I'm thinking Golf Cart.
 
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