ANNOUNCERCongratulations ,You've finally become the Undisputed Heavyweight Champion!Tell us, how does it feel?
You know, no two ways about it.  All those hours of pumpingiron really paid off.
I mean, seriously, look at me, my arms are so thick, Ican't even scratch my own back!
But, I mean, that's what tree bark's for, right?
ANNOUNCERErrr...sure, why not.So, what does the future hold for you now that you'veconquered the boxing world?
Well, to be honest, the belt's nice, but the cash iswhat really interests me.
ANNOUNCEROf course!  Cars, mansions, jets, it's a great lifestyle.
Sure, that stuff's nice.  But what I'm really interestedin is a really big backscratcher!
I can't describe in words how bad my back itches...
 
 
 
 
 
 
ANNOUNCERCongratulations ,You've finally become the Undisputed Heavyweight Champion!
Well, it's no real surprise to me.  You know what I'msaying?
ANNOUNCERHonestly, no, I can't say I do.
I look out at the boxing world right now, and seenothing but B-class fighters.
ANNOUNCERReally?  I watched some tapes of your previous fights,and it looked like you took some hard punches.
Hard punches?  Maybe for a normal man, but for achamp like me, they were little more thanmosquito stings.
ANNOUNCERSounds like you have a chin of iron!
That goes a long way.  But it also has a lot todo with my training regimen.
I spend two hours every day punching my own face.I've gotten to the point where my face's painsensors barely register a truck collision.
Trust me, I know.  I've tried it.
On top of that, I psycho train consantly, eat right,...oh, and pain killers.  I take a lot of pain killers.
Numer one, baby!  Number one!
 
 
 
ANNOUNCERCongratulations ,You've finally become the Undisputed Heavyweight Champion!Tell us, how does it feel?
It feels like I finally got what I had coming tome.  My ship has arrived!
ANNOUNCERYes, I heard the prize money was high forthis fight.
Prize money?  That was a handout.  I'm thinkingof going global with this thing!
ANNOUNCEREh...I'm not sure I follow.
My name's a brand now.  Why should I limit myselfto boxing?  I'm thinking toasters, grills, washingmachines, the works!
ANNOUNCERI suppose it could work.  But, it soundslike a big undertaking.
Oh, it is.  That's why my team's already beenworking on some of the basic concepts.
And for my part, I've been studying mandarin.Did you know mandarin is going to become the secondbiggest language in the world?
ANNOUNCERYes, I heard something about that.
Koh-ni-chi-wah sucka.And Ah-re-gate-o to all my homies!
 
 
 
 
ANNOUNCERCongratulations ,You've finally become the Undisputed Heavyweight Champion!
I wanna take this opportunity to give my side ofthe story on all the allegations that have beenflying around about me.
First and foremost, that wasn't my truck theyfound.  It looks kinda like mine, but it ain't.
ANNOUNCERWell, I'm sure the truth will come out andyour name will be cleared of all charges.
They'd better.  I'm paying the judge good money,he'd better pull through.
ANNOUNCERWell, any plans for the immediate future, nowthat you're the World Champ?
Absolutely.  I'm going to use my new massivepopularity and sway over the common man to makea move into the political ring.
You're thinking of making a move to politics?
I've got it all figured out.  The problem withthe government is that stuff keeps getting stuckin deadlocks.
Under my administration, that would be a thing ofthe past.  See, whenever there's a disagreement,we get the two opposing sides to fight.
The last man standing gets to have his way on theissue.  It makes sense, and, hey, it works fororangutans.
 
 
 
 
ANNOUNCERCongratulations ,You've finally become the Undisputed Heavyweight Champion!Tell us, how does it feel?
It feels groovy, man!  Real groovy!  I candig it, my man!  Waaooh!
ANNOUNCERSo, any plans for the immediate future?
Definitely.  I'm thinking of starting myown band.  Yeeeeaowh!
ANNOUNCERWow!  That sounds impressive.  So, are you going to be the lead singer?
Well, I won't deny it, that was my originalplan.  Wooop!  Unfortunately, my singing sounds notunlike a dying alley cat.
ANNOUNCEROuch!  I can see how that would bea problem.
So, right now, we're thinking I'm going tobe the lead drummer.
And I'm okay with that, you know.  I mean,I've spent most of my life beating the crap out ofstuff, why not a drum?
ANNOUNCERWell, it certainly sounds like we'll beseing a lot more of you in the future.
Absolutely.  And finally, let me take thisopportunity to be serious for a moment and say...
Yeeeep!  Yeeeep!  Yeeeaowh!
 
 
 
ANNOUNCERCongratulations ,You've finally become the Undisputed Heavyweight Champion!Tell us, how does it feel?
I feel neither pride nor joy.  It is as itwas meant to be.
ANNOUNCERYou certainly sound very calm, consideringthe amazing feat you've achieved.
Amazing?  Well, perhaps it appears that way.But the result was quite obvious to anystudent of box-jitsu.
ANNOUNCERBox-jitsu?  I have to admit, I'm notentirely sure what that is.
Then I will explain.  Box-jitsu is theultimate merging of boxing and the ancientasian martial arts.
ANNOUNCERIt certainly sounds powerful.
It is the ultimate martial art.
ANNOUNCERYes, I think I heard you were openinga gym somewhere in the city?
That's right.  I'll be opening a box-jitsuexclusive dojo right here.
ANNOUNCERI'm not sure I have the directions.
It's on the corner of Fifth and Central, rightnext to the pizza joint.
Only those whose wills are strong enough toresist the temptating smell of oven freshpizza are worthy of box-jitsu.  Wadooo!
 
 
ANNOUNCERCongratulations ,You've finally become the Undisputed Heavyweight Champion!Tell us, how does it feel?
To be honest, it feels like a huge weight hasbeen lifted off my shoulders.
ANNOUNCERReally?  It doesn't sound like you enjoybeing the ultimate champ?
Oh no, don't get me wrong.  Being the champis great.  I'm just relieved I don't have todo it over again.
I don't know what it is with this current cropof boxers, but I got hit below the belt somany times, I can't even count them.
ANNOUNCERYes, I heard something about you filing anofficial complaint.
That's right, I did.  I'm still waiting forthe results on that.  Let's see if they don'tgo for a legal low-blow as well!
A few months ago, I had this big scare, wheremy doctor was telling me I couldn't have kidsany more.
Luckily, it turned out to be a false alarm.
ANNOUNCERSo, I assume you'll use your new leverage tochange the regulations on low blows?
Absoultely.  From now on, anyone who goes fora lowblow, has to take three in return!
That'll remedy the situation real quick!
 
 
 
ANNOUNCERCongratulations ,You've finally become the Undisputed Heavyweight Champion!Tell us, how does it feel?
It feels like I'm on top of the world!  But,at the same time, it's a hollow victory.
ANNOUNCERWhat makes you say that?
Well, I mean, let's face it.  The currentboxers out there, they're all geezers.Yesterday's champions.
Me, I'm the future of boxing.  Fast, agile,and I hit like a brick wall.  I'm the completepackage.
ANNOUNCERSo you never felt like you were challenged?
Are you kidding?  Half the time, I felt I washitting my grandfather!
The only reason some of those fights didn'tgo so well was because I was really holdingback.
I was sure if I went all out, I'd getarrested for physical abuse of an elderly person!
ANNOUNCERSo what changes would you like to see inthe boxing scene?
I say we get the old timers out of thering.  The closest they'll ever get to a beltis carrying mine for me!
 
 
 
 
ANNOUNCERCongratulations ,You've finally become the Undisputed Heavyweight Champion!
This victory goes way back to when I firstwent into boxing to prove the validity of myfight equation.
ANNOUNCERYour fight equation?
That's right.  You see, all problems can bebroken down to basic mathematical problems.
So, I figured if I could solve the equationfor being a great fighter, I could become aworld champion!
ANNOUNCERI assume you figured the equation out, andthat's led you to where you are now.
That's exactly what happened.  It wasmathematically impossible for me to lose!
ANNOUNCERThat equation sound amazing?  Any chancewe'll ever get to see it?
I'm publishing a book next month that'llgo into detail about the equation.
It's quite simply, really.  A few crossproducts, take the outcome through Carmack'sReverse.  That kind of thing.
ANNOUNCERSounds snazzy.  And what about you?Any immediate plans?
I'm going to take my winnings and fund myresearch on creating the perfect eggroll!
 
 
 
ANNOUNCERCongratulations ,You've finally become the Undisputed Heavyweight Champion of the World!
I always knew I had it in me!
My life's been like a big easter egg hunt,but with belts instead of eggs, and facesinstead of grass.
ANNOUNCERHow'd you do it?
Well, I can't really attribute it to any onething.  I've got an excellent staff behind me.
My life motto was also a big help.Steady and even always wins in the end.Minty fresh breath certainly helped.
ANNOUNCERIf you had to pick one defining aspect thathelped you become the champ, what would it be?
Hmmm, I'd have to say my previous job as asecret service agent.
I beat a lot of people's faces in back then.It proved to be invaluable experience forthe ring.
ANNOUNCERAny immediate plans for the future?
Well, the feeling of peoples's skulls crushingunder your fists gets pretty old after a while.
I'm thinking of going into racing.
ANNOUNCERWow!  Stock cars or F-1?
Neither.  I'm thinking Golf Cart.
 
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